Ever since January 2009, i haven't had a satisfied sleep. You know how a satisfied sleep feels like? It's when you have no disturbance in between sleeps and you wake up feeling like a baby. Where you wake up and feel like you're younger. Whereby your skin feels softer and when your pillow or blanket brushes your smooth cheeks and you feel so comfortable like nothing else in the world matters anymore. Whatever problem you're facing just doesn't matter to you anymore, it just fades.
Well, until now i haven't gotten that kind of sleep. But it's getting better. For months, i sleep but i wake up feeling worried of what might happen to my life. For what? you might be thinking. I have no idea as well. It's me, i think alot. And sometimes i just wake up and start crying cause i miss someone or something. Or i just wake up feeling empty.
It got so bad till i don't sleep at all. This all happen in the month of June till September. Pathetic eh? I know the reason why i don't sleep at all. I don't want to dream, i don't want to dream of the happy things that i want cause i know i can never get it. The happy dreams only breaks my soul and faith when i wake up. So i rather stay up and feel nothing while i wait for the sun to rise and i get on with my life. So for almost three months, i didn't sleep cause of a bastard. Someone i thought i actually knew but i guess i thought wrong. My mind played tricks with me. God is amazing that he lets us decide what we want to feel and so on. But sometimes, i feel that god is unfair that he made us feel so much. When we feel too much, we get confused. And we get confused, our feelings will get all jumbled up. You thought you really love the person, but actually the truth is you don't love the person at all.
Your mind plays tricks with your feelings. Deep down inside you heart, you don't even like the person but your mind over powers your heart sometimes and jumbles up how the heart is actually feeling. So don't be fooled when you cry for a person. It might not actually be real. You will soon realize by yourself that you actually aren't sad at all. You are making yourself feel that way for no reason. So, wake up girls and boys who are hurting, don't be fooled by your emotions. They might be a fake emotion that your mind wants you to feel.
Some of y'all might not agree with i'm saying but some might. But it really depends on individual. For me, i think it's like that. Out of nowhere when you're sulking over what happen to your life, you suddenly get a 'ping' in your brain and you're like why the hell am i like that? When that questions pop out, you will start thinking and you will find your answer. My answer was that my mind played tricks for me.
After knowing that it was all just fake emotion, I smiled cause i know i'm not going to be sulking over someone, which was pathetic. Let the strength of your heart take control of your mind at times.
I'm happy but not satisfied.
I will solve this issue when it
that little 'ping' comes to me.
loves,xx
ps. It's definitely not cause you, you and you.
I don't even care about y'all.
Y'all who don't appreciate don't need to be cared for.
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